I have to say that I am damn glad that I have this forum in which to rant and rave. The normal person would use a private journal to document their thoughts and feelings, but I have this public forum in which to vent and I have to say it's pretty therapeutic. I'm sure if you know me, you already know that I march to my own beat or whatever that saying is and I have my own way of dealing and doing.
Well...DAMN IT! 37 years on this earth (almost) and I STILL don't feel like I've been dealt a fair hand. I'm not one for living in the "unknown" with out a lick of stability. Like I've said before, I am the type of person who needs a baseline of consistency and then from there I embrace spontaneity to the max. The baseline of consistency I need is a home (and I mean not moving every freaking year like I have been for the past 15 years), a career and family & friends (which would be amazing to include my Prince Charming). If any of those three factors are disturbed everything else goes off balance and leads me to writing a post like this one! Is it really too much to ask to have all three factors to be balanced??????????????????????????????????? I find my self getting all three up and running and then BAM! One of them gets disturbed and messes everything up. I'm tired of it and I give up. I guess I have to reevaluate what contributes to my baseline balance and go from there. Valentine's Day is a hell of a day for these things to go off balance. So, that fire I had started is now a smoldering mess.
It's a good thing I work 7 days a week and don't have too much time on my hands to think about this crap.Although, up until now it had been staring at me directly but those stares are gone now. I could really kick myself for believing it was all going to work out for me this time. Movin' on...
I hope you lovely readers are not experiencing sadness or anguish today and that your V Day is filled with love and happiness...and for me, better luck next year.
As Fergie so eloquently puts it, "Big girls don't cry."
xoxo,
Cindie
Ohhhh Cin, this makes me sad. I love you so much and you deserve the world. I really wish that your prince charming would come and sweep you off your feet. I really do! I say, don't upen yourself up for a while. Let your heart heal and then go from there. You are an amazing woman and any man would be lucky to have you as their valentine!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Aimz...love you!!!!
ReplyDeleteDitto to every last word Aimz said. I know for me I delayed the "grief" process by keeping myself busy with work, partying, and jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend. I finally cried like 8 months after I filed. It's a process a crazy heart wrenching process. My advice is to stay clear of Crazies who "need saving". Now that we are older :( it is much easier to see the "red flags" and not to waste your time.
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