Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Reflection and Realization
So....hello. In a few weeks, it will be one year since I left my marriage and started my life completely over. So in thinking about that it brings me to thinking about everything I've been through and accomplished in the past year. A lil summary: left my marriage...had to move in with family...got stalked...left a profession I loved after 7 years...dropped over 60lbs...worked in retail (scary for me)...started a new career...made new friends...renewed old friendships...entered the world of dating...turned 37 but I feel 27! For me, one who resists change, went through a lot.
For the past two weeks I have felt really alone. I have been so down and have never felt so extremely alone. I started my own pity party and then yesterday everything began to come together. I was getting my hair done and talking to my stylist about this and my main point in the conversation was that I am ready to find my Mr. Right. People tell me that I need to give myself time and be on my own. Well, I have. I've done that. I did that for years before getting married and even though I got beat up a few times in the dating scene in the past 6 months, I have been on my own. I do like and love the person I am. I don't think a person is insecure or incomplete if they still feel like they want someone to share their life with. Just because I don't want to go out to eat by myself or have the desire to do activities by myself does not mean I am not ready for a relationship. So what if I don't do those things. That's not who I am.
I don't search for co-dependence but I do want to love and be loved by "The One". So in this conversation with my stylist, he said, "Cindie, this is the calm before the storm." And you know what? I think he is right. I am able to be happy and proud of who I am...so Mr. Right...don't be shy...come and find me!
Another incident that led me to this post was an email I received last night from another friend. It was a message that came out of the blue and as far as I know, he had no idea what perfect timing his message had. While protecting his identity, I want to share a little piece of what he wrote to me. "...Perhaps all of us have to go through hard times to find the right one but you keep looking and I am sure that you will find someone who will see you as the precious jewel that you are. Keep smiling and don't change a thing because you are perfect just the way you are and its the world that has a problem, not you..." It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me!
On top of the pity party I had been to for the last two weeks, I was putting in some pretty crazy hours at New Job and Tutoring Job. Today I finished up a 70 hour work week. That's just insane. I leave for my 9 day vacation a week from today and I am very much looking forward to getting out of So Cal for a while. A much needed breather!
I'm going to wrap this up...if you've taken the time to read this, thanks. I use this forum to get my thoughts down in writing and I always invite feedback. If you haven't read other posts, I do aspire to be a writer and some of my life experiences that I document will get to be a part of that. I mean, if I don't write it down, I might forget that it happened! LOL...the hazards of age! ;-)
Here's to a successful year of soul searching...thank you to everyone for your support along this journey! Cheers!
Love,
Cindie
For the past two weeks I have felt really alone. I have been so down and have never felt so extremely alone. I started my own pity party and then yesterday everything began to come together. I was getting my hair done and talking to my stylist about this and my main point in the conversation was that I am ready to find my Mr. Right. People tell me that I need to give myself time and be on my own. Well, I have. I've done that. I did that for years before getting married and even though I got beat up a few times in the dating scene in the past 6 months, I have been on my own. I do like and love the person I am. I don't think a person is insecure or incomplete if they still feel like they want someone to share their life with. Just because I don't want to go out to eat by myself or have the desire to do activities by myself does not mean I am not ready for a relationship. So what if I don't do those things. That's not who I am.
I don't search for co-dependence but I do want to love and be loved by "The One". So in this conversation with my stylist, he said, "Cindie, this is the calm before the storm." And you know what? I think he is right. I am able to be happy and proud of who I am...so Mr. Right...don't be shy...come and find me!
Another incident that led me to this post was an email I received last night from another friend. It was a message that came out of the blue and as far as I know, he had no idea what perfect timing his message had. While protecting his identity, I want to share a little piece of what he wrote to me. "...Perhaps all of us have to go through hard times to find the right one but you keep looking and I am sure that you will find someone who will see you as the precious jewel that you are. Keep smiling and don't change a thing because you are perfect just the way you are and its the world that has a problem, not you..." It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me!
On top of the pity party I had been to for the last two weeks, I was putting in some pretty crazy hours at New Job and Tutoring Job. Today I finished up a 70 hour work week. That's just insane. I leave for my 9 day vacation a week from today and I am very much looking forward to getting out of So Cal for a while. A much needed breather!
I'm going to wrap this up...if you've taken the time to read this, thanks. I use this forum to get my thoughts down in writing and I always invite feedback. If you haven't read other posts, I do aspire to be a writer and some of my life experiences that I document will get to be a part of that. I mean, if I don't write it down, I might forget that it happened! LOL...the hazards of age! ;-)
Here's to a successful year of soul searching...thank you to everyone for your support along this journey! Cheers!
Love,
Cindie
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Noooo!
sad. thought i had a friend in someone and found out i was wrong and got an "i'm just not that into you" email. kinda wondering when i will get the desires of my heart or how to stop being too nice and ending up a doormat. suggestions?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Fabulous!
Very excited that summer weather has arrived! I got a new beach cruiser and Cousin Neenie and I went crusin' down the beach last weekend. It was so much fun! And then we followed it by some fun on Main St. and I was a good girl and went home early so I could get up for work the next day.
Woooeeee! I have been clocking the OT at New Job. Still waiting for a paycheck that reflects the extra hours so I can gage how many hours I should need to work. The calls are always interesting. Here's a sample of one I had the other day:
Caller: "I'm calling about this $1.99 voice charge."
Me: "It looks like that was for a 411 call made on one of your lines."
Caller: "What's 411?"
Joy. Oh Joy!
So....work is going very well. I'm still waiting for the rest of my life to come together and go into the next phase. Probably will be waiting for a while! ;-)
xoxo,
Cindie
Woooeeee! I have been clocking the OT at New Job. Still waiting for a paycheck that reflects the extra hours so I can gage how many hours I should need to work. The calls are always interesting. Here's a sample of one I had the other day:
Caller: "I'm calling about this $1.99 voice charge."
Me: "It looks like that was for a 411 call made on one of your lines."
Caller: "What's 411?"
Joy. Oh Joy!
So....work is going very well. I'm still waiting for the rest of my life to come together and go into the next phase. Probably will be waiting for a while! ;-)
xoxo,
Cindie
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Oy vey!
I don't know people...I give up. I obviously need to know when to take a hint and move on. Back to the drawing board.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Hello Old Friend!
Hello to my blog, my long lost friend. lol
Ch...ch...changes!
I resist change with all my power. Unfortunately, my power is not that strong...or I guess it's a good thing. Because once I'm adjusted to the new situation, I'm usually good. Last week, my 18 weeks of training at New Job came to an end and I quit Retail Job. I just had two days off and almost went stir crazy. Luckily, I was able to spend yesterday with people who matter the most. Lots o' fun! I start with my new group today at New Job. I'm nervous about needing help and now I don't have any coaches to come help. Although sometimes I do better when I don't have any crutches around to shake my confidence. We shall see................
Now that I will have more free time, I hope to blog a bit more and have some interesting stories to tell. To get you all (no one, cuz i know no one reads this) started, here are a few phrases that Reps (myself included) have said that turn out to be pretty funny unintentionally:
Rep: "With your Palm, you have unlimited usage"
Customer: "Did you just tell me I have unlimted usage with my palm?"
Rep: "A customer called in today and wanted me to activate his hot spot..."
xoxo,
Cindie
Ch...ch...changes!
I resist change with all my power. Unfortunately, my power is not that strong...or I guess it's a good thing. Because once I'm adjusted to the new situation, I'm usually good. Last week, my 18 weeks of training at New Job came to an end and I quit Retail Job. I just had two days off and almost went stir crazy. Luckily, I was able to spend yesterday with people who matter the most. Lots o' fun! I start with my new group today at New Job. I'm nervous about needing help and now I don't have any coaches to come help. Although sometimes I do better when I don't have any crutches around to shake my confidence. We shall see................
Now that I will have more free time, I hope to blog a bit more and have some interesting stories to tell. To get you all (no one, cuz i know no one reads this) started, here are a few phrases that Reps (myself included) have said that turn out to be pretty funny unintentionally:
Rep: "With your Palm, you have unlimited usage"
Customer: "Did you just tell me I have unlimted usage with my palm?"
Rep: "A customer called in today and wanted me to activate his hot spot..."
xoxo,
Cindie
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Ahhhhh....
So I actually planned a day off from New Job. And that day is today. I feel totally weird that it is 2pm and I should be logging in to start working. I feel like I'm being bad by not coming to work. That's how strong my work ethics are...I feel guilty for taking a day off that I EARNED and that the company has given me. LOL I'm some sort of freak!
So I found the 5 stages of grief: denial: check! negotiation: check! anger: check! sadness/depression: check! acceptance: half a check! I feel myself entering the acceptance stage as I adjust my thinking and believe that everything is going to be OK. I even feel ready to be dipping my toes back in the water. :-)
So (why do I always start with "so"? I don't know!) last night I was hanging with DP and her Matador and we went out to the club we usually go to when I am visiting her. Now, I was tired, not really in the mood, in fact I only had one drink. Why is it on a night like that, I keep getting hit on??? I was walking with DP and some dude actually stops me and starts talking to me. UGH! Not in the mood for random conversation...so he asks me "Are you from around here?" My reply, "No." I tried to walk away and he kept trying to stop me and kept asking me questions. My answers were short. I just didn't have the energy. And then he says, "You look like a well traveled person. Have you traveled overseas?" HUH? What makes me LOOK like a well traveled person? Can someone define that? LOL. Most of my answers to this person were, "No" so DP and I made a joke and just kept saying "NO!" to each other for the rest of the night. We found it funny. Oh ya and when we first got there, I ate some random bacon that one of the bartenders put out on the bar. Bacon? What the hell? And why did I feel the need to eat some? That is a new one. Later, DP and I were trying to round up her man to go home and another guy stops me and starts talking to me. He even tells me he's a boxer and says his name like I should have heard of him. I try to be polite and talk for a minute and then he asked me if he could buy me a drink. When I told him what I wanted he made a face and said, "Ew". And then he didn't buy it. LMAO. So I guess it's his way or no way. I went with NO WAY.
ANYWAYS...I was going to stay down at DP's until tomorrow but I decided to come home and enjoy where I live today. No makeup, no curling iron, no worrying about what to wear. So, I end this post with a smile and sigh of relief. Heading out to enjoy this beautiful day...
xoxo,
Cindie
So I found the 5 stages of grief: denial: check! negotiation: check! anger: check! sadness/depression: check! acceptance: half a check! I feel myself entering the acceptance stage as I adjust my thinking and believe that everything is going to be OK. I even feel ready to be dipping my toes back in the water. :-)
So (why do I always start with "so"? I don't know!) last night I was hanging with DP and her Matador and we went out to the club we usually go to when I am visiting her. Now, I was tired, not really in the mood, in fact I only had one drink. Why is it on a night like that, I keep getting hit on??? I was walking with DP and some dude actually stops me and starts talking to me. UGH! Not in the mood for random conversation...so he asks me "Are you from around here?" My reply, "No." I tried to walk away and he kept trying to stop me and kept asking me questions. My answers were short. I just didn't have the energy. And then he says, "You look like a well traveled person. Have you traveled overseas?" HUH? What makes me LOOK like a well traveled person? Can someone define that? LOL. Most of my answers to this person were, "No" so DP and I made a joke and just kept saying "NO!" to each other for the rest of the night. We found it funny. Oh ya and when we first got there, I ate some random bacon that one of the bartenders put out on the bar. Bacon? What the hell? And why did I feel the need to eat some? That is a new one. Later, DP and I were trying to round up her man to go home and another guy stops me and starts talking to me. He even tells me he's a boxer and says his name like I should have heard of him. I try to be polite and talk for a minute and then he asked me if he could buy me a drink. When I told him what I wanted he made a face and said, "Ew". And then he didn't buy it. LMAO. So I guess it's his way or no way. I went with NO WAY.
ANYWAYS...I was going to stay down at DP's until tomorrow but I decided to come home and enjoy where I live today. No makeup, no curling iron, no worrying about what to wear. So, I end this post with a smile and sigh of relief. Heading out to enjoy this beautiful day...
xoxo,
Cindie
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