Wrapping up "Notes about Nothing"

So, I'm hoping to finish up my little bit of background in this post and move on to my "storytelling".

What did I do when I felt like my entire world was over???  I threw myself a pity party...duh!!! Who wouldn't? I cried to my family and friends a lot. But, I think I've been around long enough to have learned that the only person who could change the way I was feeling was me. The events that occurred in my life made it very apparent who was in my corner and who was not. I had to become more guarded with whom I decided to trust. And then, I picked myself up and made some changes. Cuz and I have been each other's support to get our asses to the gym. G flew me out to Texas for a much needed get-a-way and we had a blast together. I spend time with my nieces and embrace these times that I am lucky enough to live close to them  and see them every week. So those were all great for my emotional well being. What about the finances???

Losing a job is a huge blow to the ego, especially when the person losing the job has no control over what is happening. In order for me to feel successful, I had to leave my job. I was at a dead end. I'm not the type of person who can sit back and do the same job for 20 years and be satisfied. I need challenge. I need to be able to grow intellectually and be a voice for change. My job did not give me those opportunities. What my job did give me was the opportunity to help others grow. Which is nice and all but it's time for me to be a little selfish and put myself first for a while. I've never done that. So, THANK YOU to those involved with my job departure. I question your integrity and mental health, however I'm not in the position to judge and for that I am grateful! Best of luck to you.

I am also not the type of person to sit around and wait very long for something to change. I've always been one for instant gratification. This time the only one who could give me that was me. I found myself involved with 4 different types of jobs and every day of my life is different. Some days I'm a caregiver. Other days I'm driving for hours to be a teacher. There are days where I'm a business professional in Corporate America. Lastly, I find myself working for minimum wage in an industry I have never experienced. When I first started my retail job, I would be standing around folding clothes (for hours) and get really mad that I was doing it. It was the fault of others that I took a job where I'm working with people who are young enough to be my own children (ok barely old enough!). I didn't think I was too good for the job...I'm not too good for any job. I was pissed that my feet were killing me. I was pissed that I have no consistency in my life all because of the actions of other people. But, this experience is happening to me for a reason. My life is changing in a major way. I needed to be listening to that. If I was still in my teaching job I wouldn't' be listening. I wouldn't have time to listen. Teaching preschool is more emotionally draining than it is physically draining...and it's physically draining. Retail is definitely the most physically draining job I've ever had, but it's not draining me emotionally. It's given me a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts as I go around the store folding and folding and folding. How lucky am I to get paid to think and become inspired to write?

So, this is where I am. I'm in a state of soul searching. I am very excited about that and I'm taking advantage of every moment of this experience.

Thanks for listening...

xoxo,
Cindie